partner with the pelican
put your logo where the eyeballs are: directly next to a bicycle pelican.
● NOW OPEN FOR BUSINESS (THEORETICALLY)
Are you a brand? A disruptor? A Series B with a mascot-shaped hole? You have found the correct under-construction website. Your logo, directly next to a bicycle pelican drawn by a chatbot that has never seen a bicycle.
Our reach is, and I want to be transparent here, enormous. Seen by dozens of people. Some of them twice. A view is a view; the dashboard does not ask follow-up questions. The synergy is theoretical. The bird is hungry.
audited by the same bird, who graded itself, generously.
the packages
all prices negotiable, all deliverables invented on the spot, all of it a gag.
- FRY TIER. Your logo, small, near a bird, sometimes. No promises on which bird, how near, or how often. You may end up beside the worst pelican we own. That is the budget you chose.
- BAITBALL TIER. A co-branded cursed pelican, drawn by whatever model is cheapest that day. Could be a flagship. Could be a 7B model having a stroke. Neither of us gets to pick.
- WHOLE-FISH TIER. "Presented by YOU" stamped across a channel of our choosing. Terms invented later, contract written by the bird in crayon, somehow still more enforceable than most SaaS EULAs.
- APEX-PREDATOR TIER. The bird says your name once, sincerely, into the void, witnessed by no one. The ROI is spiritual. The invoice is real (it is not). This is our enterprise plan.
🎉 The media kit is a photo of a pelican holding a sign that says "your logo here." The rate card is whatever you can PayPal a bird with no hands and no bank account. No IO, no account manager, one pelican reading your email with its whole heart. Write to synergy@pelicans.wtf, decision-makers only.
*one (1) brand-safety incident; it was the bird's fault. The rates, reach, tiers, audit, and entire existence of this offer are jokes. No real ad inventory is for sale. If you genuinely want to support the flock, the tip pouch is the honest door.